i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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