just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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