Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We need a shit load of segways right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
