i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
