You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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