yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
