I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
