i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
