I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
