just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize