He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
