Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize