i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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