I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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