You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
