getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
