How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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