I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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