Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
