well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
