On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
