My hand turned me down
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
