At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
