He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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