Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can I color on your dick again?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
