in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
