they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
