I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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