Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
