Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
