You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I stole a fireplace last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
