Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I need moral support for this bender
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
