I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize