I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
