Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
