I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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