dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
