He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
