Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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