here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
