Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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