omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
