So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
