I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
