You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
