If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
