Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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