Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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