She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
