I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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