A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my being single is dangerous.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
