Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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