We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
