I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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