Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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