he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
