my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
