Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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