Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
