new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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