Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
