He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
