nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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