Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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