I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
