Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
