Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
