i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
